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Posted 12-10-99
You've just won the lottery, were promoted, or outran the field in a marathon. While feeling pride and elation about succeeding in an endeavor, you also find yourself feeling sad, awkward, or anxious. Why? Your gain is another's loss. According to a Case Western Reserve University psychologist, you're experiencing some of the perils of outperforming a peer.
"With these feelings, the experience is bittersweet. It seems such happiness can be tainted if one's achievement or good fortune poses a threat to someone else," reports Julie Juola Exline, research associate from CWRU's Department of Psychology, in the article, "The Perils of Outperformance: Sensitivity About Being the Target of an Upward Comparison," which appeared in the Psychological Bulletin.
Exline surveyed the psychological literature and undertook several studies to conclude that success has "its dark side" -- especially if the achiever is outperforming another person and that person knows it.
She has labeled this psychological condition as Sensitivity About Being a Target of a Threatening Upward Comparison (STTUC). Anyone who sees themselves as a target of an envious comparison-which can go beyond money or work matters into everyday situations-has the potential for experiencing STTUC, notes Exline.
This can happen in a wide range of situations, from losing weight while a friend puts on the pounds, having a baby while another family member is infertile, or receiving a major promotion while a peer is passed over for the job.
She says that issues related to STTUC might lie at the heart of the popular notion in the late 1970s that people feared success. Instead of fearing success itself, people may more commonly fear the negative social consequences of outperforming others.
Competitive success can be fraught with real perils for the person who has empathy for the outperformed individual, while trying to continue to maintain a relationship or friendship.
"The person you outperform is not always a passive person, sitting there oblivious to being outperformed. They often have responses to it, which can range from happiness and congratulations to outright envy, resentment, or discouragement," adds Exline.
"Viewed from the outperformer's perspective, being the target of those negative feelings can be upsetting," she explains. Outperformers may feel concerned about the outperformed person's feelings, potential relationship rifts, or the threat of retaliation. These feelings, she adds, are independent of feeling pride or satisfaction in the accomplishment.
Certain factors can contribute to STTUC discomfort: direct competition with obvious winners and losers, uncomfortable situations of face-to-face contact with the loser (where denial of achievement can seem insincere or hypocritical), or where the achievement differs from what is considered the normal behavior by the social or work group.
Outperformance can be particularly dangerous if the achiever unexpectedly challenges a highly volatile person who has a strong interest in remaining dominant in the group or relationship, says Exline.
She found people have learned to cope with STTUC in several ways:
While these tactics may minimize discomfort or awkwardness, they can backfire, says Exline. "People who brag are disliked, but repeated put-downs of the self may also make a bad impression. Worse, they may come to believe what they are saying," says Exline.
Saying things to encourage the other person, rather than putting down oneself, may be a safer strategy.
In the end, there may be nothing that the achiever can say to make the loser feel better. Exline suggests that it might be possible to build a stronger relationship by doing things to show respect, love, or caring for the other person.
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