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The Laws of Experimental Science
A) Murphy's Laws
1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. If anything does go wrong, it will get worse.
3. Things must get worse before they can get better.
4. You can't win.
5. You can break even... but only at absolute zero.
B) Third Law of Thermodynamics -- you can't get to absolute zero.
C) Flagle's Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects
Any inanimate object may be expected at any time to behave in a manner that is entirely unexpected and totally unpredictable for reasons which are completely unknown or thoroughly obscure.
D) The Probability Principle
The probability of any given event occurring during an experiment is inversely proportional to its desirability.
E) The Accessibility Principle
The accessibility, during recovery, of small pieces of apparatus or equipment that have fallen from the laboratory bench, is directly proportional to the size of the object and inversely proportional to its importance to the experiment under way.
F) The Compensation Corollary
Any experiment may be deemed a success if not more than 50% of the experimental data must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory.
G) Allen's Axiom
If all else fails, read the instructions.
H) Finnegan's Finagling Factor (aka the "Fudge Factor")
That quantity which when added to, subtracted from, multiplied by, divided by, or raised to the power of the answer you got... gives the answer you should have gotten.
I) The Ordering Principles
1. Those supplies essential for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
2. Those supplies arriving in time for today's experiment will be the wrong material, the wrong size or the wrong model.
J) Gumperson's Law
The probability of equipment functioning at any given time is inversely proportional to the square of its importance to the experiment under way.
K) The Utilities Principle
Laboratory utilities will suffer unscheduled outages only at the most critical times during an experiment.
L) The Presentation Principle
The length of any presentation is inversely proportional to its meaningful content.
M) The Law of Selective Gravitation
Any object falling from the laboratory bench will fall into such a location and with such an orientation that it is assured that the maximum damage will be caused to both the object and its surroundings.
N) Horner's Five-Thumb Postulate
Experience varies in direct proportion with the amount of equipment broken.
O) The Ultimate Principle
No experiment is a complete failure... It can always serve as a bad example.